Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
