dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
