i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
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