btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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