I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
