I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
My vagina just clenched in fear
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
