everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
