i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
