We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
