Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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