My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
