i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
