omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
