just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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