just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
