I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
