Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
