i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
