Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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