I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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