the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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