pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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