Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
