Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
