Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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