hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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