I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
