I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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