I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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