I think I just saw someone hide a body.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
