So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
