at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
