The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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