I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
