Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
