Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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