i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You need a sexual gate keeper
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
