so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
