Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
