It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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