the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
We left the knife in your bed.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
