I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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