I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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