Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
