How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
