Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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