i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
