My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
birth control should be required to get into college
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
