i barfeds in our rink
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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