People in love make me want to vomit
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
