I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
