last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
