I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
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