walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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